Saturday, August 20, 2011

Another Paradox: Cynical Innocent

Here is another mind hurting paradox. Learn to be cynical innocent. Fully aware of how evil, untrustworthy, selfish and dangerous all others in the world are. Another way of putting it: agree with Calvin we all are depraved with no hope.

At the same time, holding that dismal picture of humanity firmly in your head, be total trusting innocent. Fully able to forgive, able to reach out knowing you will get your hand scratched, bit, clawed and shredded. Not 50/50, but 100/100.

Full cynic. That's easy for me. Betrayed by brother who killed my father. Betrayed by God. Betrayed by unfaithful denomination, determined to commit abominations. Betrayed by banks. Betrayed by politicians,(no surprise). Mindful of evil. Yet in the midst of all this horror, to somehow be innocent. Not just a little, but to trust in full innocence, knowing i will be hurt.

My response to God on this one is: This is impossible. Flat out impossible. You want me to do what? Easy to trust, if i just pretend everything is FINE. Hard to trust, if i admit the true horrors that lie beneath the placid surface. True trust isn't easy.

Yet this is at the heart of being a disciple of Jesus. To somehow hang crucified in the midst of this painful paradox. Innocence and cynicism. Both together at the same time. I've no poem to share on this strange blessing. I expect one is coming when God has stretched my mind beyond its safe design limit. To hear His voice explaining the impossible, in a simple paradoxical answer.



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